When navigating end of life decisions, there often seem to be more questions than answers. This section is designed to help you get quick answers to frequently asked questions and understand where loved ones may be in their journey.
Funeral planning
Planning for how we want to be cared for and remembered at the end of life can involve emotional and difficult conversations. Whether you are working to get your own affairs and wishes in order or getting things organized for a loved one, early conversations will make everyone more comfortable later.
Here are some suggestions on how to understand or articulate wishes and plan for a personalized and meaningful celebration of life.
Conversation starters
- “I know this may be uncomfortable, but would you be open to talking about some ways you wish to be remembered?”
- “What are your favorite family traditions and how can we continue them?”
- “What are your favorite hymns, songs or spiritual readings?”
Keeping the focus on reflection provides the opportunity to reminisce about positive things while opening the door to a natural transition to the topic of a memorial service and logistical wishes.
Research and planning
- Funeral home: The staff will outline the different services and options available to plan a personalized and meaningful ceremony based on your loved one’s wishes and the emotional needs of the family.
- Religious traditions: If wanting to include faith-based observances into the celebration, consider connecting with the church on what details need to be sorted for a ceremony or service.
- Financials: There are costs associated with funerals so understanding budget is important. Many funeral homes allow individuals to plan their arrangements before a passing. At that time, a funeral director can discuss the financial investment as well as put the individual’s wishes on file for when plans need to be executed. Pre-paying for funeral services can ease the financial burden on loved ones, allowing them to focus on honoring and remembering the person they’ve lost rather than worrying about costs.
- Logistics: Understanding a loved one’s wishes involving cremation or a casketed burial is helpful in the planning process. Funeral directors or spiritual advisors can discuss options with you or your loved one.
- Writing the obituary and tribute: Many funeral homes include a printed obituary as part of their service package, though newspaper publication typically comes with an added cost that varies by publication. Funeral directors often provide templates to help guide the writing process. Families may choose to write the obituary themselves, or the funeral home can prepare a draft for the family’s review and approval before it’s published in print or online. Consider organizing the following details for the obituary:
- Name of deceased
- Age
- Birthdate and place
- Residence (city and state)
- Partner/Spouse’s name
- When and where the funeral/memorial service will take place
- Names of family members surviving the deceased (children and their spouses, grandchildren)
- Names of family members who proceed the loved one in death
- Information about the deceased’s education and profession
- Details of favorite hobbies, personality traits and other anecdotes
- Direction for memorial giving or charity donations
The celebration of life
A funeral service is an essential part in the grieving process and a time for the living to come together and celebrate the life and legacy of their loved one. There is no cookie-cutter approach to a service – it can and should be as unique as the life that is being celebrated.
Consider incorporating the following elements for a personalized tribute:
- Photos of the loved one
- Items from a prized collection
- Music
- Speeches or performances from family members
- The loved one’s favorite flowers
Funeral Service
A funeral service is an official ceremony that takes place in the presence of a casketed body. Funerals are usually held immediately following death in traditional settings, like a cemetery, chapel, church or funeral home followed by a graveside service.
Memorial Service
A memorial service is an official ceremony that takes place without a casketed body present. For example, the ceremony might take place with an urn of cremated ashes or a photo of the deceased displayed on an easel. These services can take place weeks or months after the death. Memorial services are often less formal than funerals and can be held at a home or another comfortable gathering place.